In search of the miraculous

Without googling the exact New Testament citation I believe it was in Paul's second letter to the Thespians where he warned that homosexuality may lead to a uni major in the Theatre Arts. When I told that joke to some acquantances on a recent Saturday night I was met with silence. The crowd was a group of Christians. They were not offended by the obvious homophobic slight; it was the fact I parodied Scripture that caused them to be uncomfortable. Among the many intolerences that Christians hold is the belief that Scripture is the word of God and no one steps on Scripture. Yahweh, if you are online and chequeing blogs please be distracted for the moment.
My Saturday nights are reserved for Al Anon. In Al Anon I have found codependent souls like myself who are attempting to find a way out of the hell of living with alcoholics and substance abusers. We try, little by little, to understand ourselves. We use the 12 Steps adopted from Alcoholics Anonymous as a basis for direction. And therein lies the rub for me. As an Agnostic I struggle with the majority of persons in my group who are Christians. I have become a pirriah. While they speak openly about Jesus Christ I counter with proven effective psycho-therapy coping mechanisms. I am ignored. "My higher power is my Lord, Jesus Christ." And heads nod in agreement. I am tempted to wear a "Sister's of Satan" tee shirt to a meeting. If they can have Jesus why can't I have the Sisters?
I do not have a higher power. I am looking. Originally, I was going to use Logic and Reason as my higher power but I concluded there are limits to these concepts. I looked at Naturalism as an option. But Nature is a cruel mistress. Cold. Unforgiving. Existentialism appeals to me but ultimately it leads to apathy. I need a Figurehead not a hood ornament. Krishnamurti was a brillant man yet I couldn't wrap my feeble mind around some of his teachings. I think I will return to Taoism, something I discovered at 16. Lao Tsu made sense to my adolescent mind and has allowed me peace. The only thing constant is change.