The Ulimate Act of Selfishness

Suicide. The word sends heads shaking. Loved ones experience guilt and ask themselves and one another what they may have done to prevent it. Mental Health workers question their techniques and perhaps in a brief moment of clarity examine their motives. Emergency services rush to the scene to pilfer the contents of the pockets, steal the jewelery, and case the home of the deceased. There's a mess to be cleaned up and that is the responsibility of the family. There are the archaic rituals of funeral and burial where family and friends gather and look sheepishly at one another with nothing to say but, “Ain't that a shame” or the obligatory, “I'm sorry for your loss”. Neighbors bring a dish to pass and all fill up on food for comfort and to fill the void inside themselves. And the cost! Death is extremely expensive and without insurance it is left to the family to cover the costs. And one's enemies in life - how they will secretly gloat and feel a degree of satisfaction in outliving you, their nemesis.
Its a dirty business, suicide is. But like life it really is inconsequential. Suicide is simply nature's way of weeding out the weak, the infirm, the mentally ill. If a human being isn't productive it is their obligation to make way for those who are. Human beings are merely a commodity:  Bought and sold in a market place much more sophisticated than any auction block in Charleston or New Orleans. Jefferson wrote that human beings are born with inalienable rights including the “purfuit of happineff” (Jefferson's lisp appeared regularly in his writings). He never said they have the right to be happy. He said they have the right to pursue happiness. Happiness is an ideal left to those naive dreamers who haven't struggled with the overwhelming sense of failure and utter despair that clouds the mind of a depressive. A depressed person doesn't desire happiness we only contemplate the senselessness of life.
I think of Hardy's characters Tess and Jude. Unable to rise in station in class conscious Victorian England they were doomed from birth. They died as they had lived – anonymously. For all of their goodness they had been used and discarded by a culture indifferent to genuine virtue. “Jude the Obscure” has remained my favourite British Romantic tome. It is the saddest novel ever written in the English language. Read it if you dare. Then read “Tess of the d'Urbervilles” for good measure. If you aren't toweling the doors and windows and turning on the gas there's something wrong with you.
I am reminded of Jack London's pseudo-autobiography “Martin Eden”. A novel that is highly underrated in Academia because London's Naturalism has no social or political significance in the post-industrial global economy. Martin Eden's suicide is brilliantly described and deserves special attention for those considering the act by drowning.
The act of dying is fairly easy. Its much easier to die than to live with the anguish of despair. Life is difficult in the best of circumstances add clinical depression and it becomes unbearable. Planning one's demise takes careful consideration.
Firearms are easily obtainable but extremely traumatic to the spirit. Those who are considerate of others will recognise that someone has to clean up the mess that is left behind. Overdose can be gentle but yet again unless one is considerate and understanding in wearing an adult incontinence undergarment one will soil themselves and the sheets and mattress and it is embarrassing to be found this way as well as unpleasant for others. There is hanging but one risks traumatizing innocents who come across the strange fruit. Carbon monoxide poisoning is always an option and the rosy red glow to one's complexion is aesthetically pleasing until several hours latter when the skin will turn black and is extremely unpleasant to view. Finding a tall building and going over the edge is an option but should one hit a pedestrian or land in a no parking zone it would be unfortunate and may result in a ticket. And yet again the messiness is a factor to consider. Jumping in front of a bus or a train will surely do the trick but the trauma inflicted on the drivers and inconvenience to passengers is quite unfair. If you're determined to die you owe it to others to be as considerate as possible. And you need to remember that who ever finds you is going to steal your money and jewelry before the meat wagon arrives. So if you want that wedding band, engagement ring, or Rolex watch to go to a loved one be sure to make arrangements beforehand to see they get it. Also, if you have pets you will need to make arrangements for them before you die. They have served you faithfully and deserve good homes. They will forget you about 5 hours after they arrive in their new home. Don't despair about this. Their brains don't consider much more than getting food, water, and sniffing other animal's behinds. I believe this is in Maslow's hierarchy of needs for domestic animals.
Potential suicides may find it informative that Mental Health and Forensic experts will surmise your mental state by which method you have chosen to end your life so a note is not necessary. These rules are not hard and fast but with a little background information they will know your reason for dying. Men generally use a firearm placed in the mouth, eye, or temple. They are determined to make it fatal. It is the way of a man to make sure a job is done right. Women who use firearms generally shoot themselves in the chest signifying a broken heart and preserve their vanity which is projected in their faces. An acquaintance of mine, a nurse, used one of her husband's fillet knives and inserted it beneath her rib cage and up into her heart. With a quick twist she was gone. This was a metaphor of her despair over his adulterous relationships. My former fiance before successfully killing herself by hanging tried something similar with a knife blade too short to reach her internal organs. Overdoses with medication usually entail intent but leave room for that last minute 911 call. Wannabes will often use medications inadequately. There is a phenomena known as “Death by cop” which entails approaching an armed officer or officers with a weapon with the intent of being shot down. Happens often these days. Sometimes a police officer or officers will shoot someone and place a “throw down” weapon near the body and declare a death by cop suicide. Either way takes the responsibility off the individual and the cops don't mind.
I had a client whose older brother had committed suicide with a small caliber rifle. The client's parents the following Christmas holiday gave the same firearm to him as his present. Years later they confessed in therapy they couldn't understand Jimmy's substance abuse issues.
There are online sites and organisations dedicated to meeting the needs of the suicidal. The ancient order the Hemlock Society has very informative literature available. These dedicated individuals promote suicide but strangely they themselves remain alive to keep the website running and the mailing list up to date.
The Department of Offence who brought you the War on the Muslim Peoples or W's Crusade as some refer to it, is concerned about the high incidence of suicide among military personnel. Apparently the wholesale slaughter of tens of thousands of men, women, and children and returning a modern nation to the stone age has tweaked the conscience of some soldiers. A few malcontents within the military killing themselves really isn't an issue for Americans who are more concerned about falling real estate values and a bearish stock market.
John Wayne never worried about all the Japs and Indians he killed. Of course John Wayne never actually served in the military so perhaps the analogy is inappropriate. Wayne simply slowly killed himself with cigarettes over his life time and died of lung cancer. This is of course years after his character “The Quiet Man” raped Maureen O'Hara's character in the John Ford classic film. A cultural icon man's man such as John Wayne had no truck with candy asses who might be clinically depressed.
Conspiracy enthusiasts like to speculate about actress Marilyn Monroe's death. Murder, accident or suicide? While the papers reported she was found in the nude they didn't report that her bladder and bowels had emptied and soiled the sheets and seeped into the mattress. That vomit had filled her mouth and spilled out onto the pillows. Andy Warhol didn't consider a silkscreen of Marilyn on her death bed. Marilyn was aging quickly. Her skin, breasts and buttocks sagging her box office appeal was over. Several failed marriages, one to a brute of a man, a professional athlete who beat her regularly; another to an impotent intellectual who belittled her at every opportunity. Marilyn had to die young to preserve her iconic image as a sex goddess. Suicide. A tragic example of what this culture does to women who dare to age.
Act III scene 1. The Soliloquy. You know the words as you've heard them a thousand times. What does our prince conclude? He takes his frustration due to anger from the injustices he has experienced out on sweet, dear Ophelia. He tells her he loved her not. He denies her her sexuality, the essence of her humanness. He seals her fate with his misplaced hatred. There is nothing noble in Prince Hamlet; obsessed with revenge he alienates all of those who are close to him. Hamlet's tongue is sharper than his bodkin and with it he cuts and slashes his way through the remainder of the play. Had Hamlet access to Prozac what a different character he might have been.
Despite the hype there is no Romance in suicide. The sun will rise again tomorrow whether one chooses to witness its appearance or not. While the darkest hour is just before dawn, waiting for the grey to slowly fade and be replaced by the golden rays that warm the Earth and nourish all of Life please have the courtesy to settle your affairs. Make arrangements with a funeral home and pay in advance the cost of disposing of your remains. Clean your house or apartment – you don't want anyone thinking you lived like a slob. Foster out your pets. You don't want them gnawing on you if your remains aren't found immediately and they run out of food. Pay your debts – at least pay the cable bill as they are first to put your estate in collection. Pull the hard drive out of your computer and take a hammer to it. You don't want anyone looking at all the naughty stuff you said and did while online. Wear an adult incontinence undergarment or cut holes in a rubbish bag, place your legs in the holes and tie around your waist. Return any books or videos to the Public Library or Blockbuster as someone might be waiting for something you have. Notify the Post Office to stop delivery to your current address. Sort your recyclables. Do all the laundry. Don't leave dirty dishes in the sink. Scrub the bath and the toilet. Cancel the utilities. Turn off your mobile. Unplug the clock radio so it doesn't buzz until a neighbor breaks the door down in annoyed frustration over the noise. If you're a bloke get rid of all the porn in the house – you don't want your mum or sisters finding that stuff. If you're a lass get rid of those toys. No one wants their final image of you to be what you might have been doing with that twelve inch double dildo. There is no reason your death should be anything but orderly. Let your loved ones know you cared enough about them to make their mourning easier. Remember: Once you're gone never, ever again will it be all about you.