Passive-Aggressive no more

Exciting new advancements in technology are allowing employers the ability to modify employee behaviours in several cost saving ways. Honeywell, the innovative force behind the new technology has developed an ankle strap that can be worn by employees which will allow Central Control to monitor an employee 24 hours a day. While in the work place employee production levels can be checked with the stroke of a keyboard. An employee who spends an excessive amount of time in the toilet, around the water cooler, or surfing the world wide web will be disciplined with a “mild” electronic impulse designed to correct the inappropriate behaviour immediately. No longer will it be necessary for management to verbally reprimand an employee. The time saving measures are designed to further distance labour from management thus eliminating the co-mingling of inferiors with their superiors. Honeywell is expected to introduce its new product at the 2010 TechnoExpo in Las Vegas.
With 24-hour monitoring employers will know where an employee is at all times. A GPS chip in the ankle strap can trace an employee from the time they leave the production floor, office, or job site. The GPS technology will register where the employee goes after work and how long they remain in any given location.
A chemical sensor in the ankle strap can detect illicit substance use and nicotine use as well as monitor the blood alcohol level of the wearer. Honeywell remains strongly committed to insuring employees do not alter their mood in ways that will hinder future job performance. Another sensor will monitor employee eating habits. Employees who do not follow corporate nutritional standards will receive an electronic impulse that will induce vomiting. The sensor will also measure and monitor an employee's BMI. Honeywell believes a healthy employee is a productive employee.
A minute microphone on the strap will record all employee conversations 24-hours a day. An employee who is critical of his employer or a co-worker will face immediate dismissal. Employees who are involved in political or religious activities deemed subversive by their employer will also be dismissed. Honeywell believes that Corporate Internationale's commitment to fighting any threat to its existence will welcome this new innovation.
Honeywell has hinted the ankle strap is a precursor to future technological innovations. Working with behavioural psychologists and neuroscientists Honeywell is expected to complete a feasibility study of sub-cranial implants to replace the costly ankle strap by 2015.